Thursday, April 7, 2016

Climbing Up

For the past couple of weeks I've been in a funk. In a depressive downward spiral. So knowing what I know about my mental health there was a trigger that made me sad which just kept getting validated and soon I found myself where I am today.

People tell me to get over it or to make the chose to be happy. Those people need to attend a seminar on what-not-to-say to someone who had depression/anxiety issues.

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For the most part I've been good. But I've been lonely. Mike is really busy working and his side jobs. Our kids are getting crazy-excited since Utah has had some good weather. Our families have not been able to get together since every one is busy doing their thing. Which I totally get. I really do but like I said once I get triggered I just keep going.

Usually I go to the temple once a week (when my kids go to school) and this has really helped me. But one week the temple was closed. Another week I wasn't feeling well and didn't go. And this week my kids don't have option days so they are home with me. So it's been 3 weeks since I went and I can feel the difference. I no longer feel refreshed and recharged. I no longer feel the blanket of peace and patience. I no longer feel balanced.

So I've been trying other things to help me get out of this funk.

Mike and I are throwing a party for his co-workers. They have been working so hard preparing temple square for General Conference. So show his appreciation and mine we're throwing a BBQ. This has been fun preparing and planning.

Then the kids and I have been walking ALOT! There's a nature park across the street from our house so we've been there a several times.  But we needed to go out longer we we grabbed our wagon and went on a 3 mile walk to Smith's.
While walking we found lots of amazing things. 
Like this weepy willow look alike cherry blossom tree. We all looked in amazing on how beautiful this tree is. 

As we walked we were naming all the different flowers. I was surprised how many different plants/flowers my kids know. Ducati wanted to pose with this single tulip.

We found bear paw prints on the sidewalk. Every few feet there were more as if a teddy bear was walking the street. The tracks lasted a block before they faded away so we never knew where they lead but it was nice to use our imagination guessing where this teddy wanted us to go.

After we picked up a few things from Smith's I was getting hungry. So if I was hungry my kids would soon be complaining how hungry they are so we stopped at Warren's. My favorite local restaurant.
Kids meals all around!
 While walking we found a park that we've never seen before. It was tucked away behind a grove of trees so of course my kids wanted to play there.

Mason didn't want to play so my girls dog piled him until he caved. This didn't work since their weight didn't even effect him. But since he's a nice brother he played with them.

I sat on the grass soaking up some faded sunlight and reflected a little. 

Me being cold and a party pooper.

When I'm in a funk Mike does it best to be by my side. He doesn't try to "fix me" he just helps me by being next to me. He asked me later in the evening, as we were laying in bed, how our kids were today. I said they were great. 

He told me how he remembered a conference talk about a father kneeling at each of his children's bedside and praying for them. So that morning after he got ready for work he knelt at each kiddos bed and prayed for them. Prayed for them to have a good day, to be a help to each other, and to be helpful to me. 
After he told me this I teared up since I knew that the good day I had had nothing to do with my walk or getting out. It had all to do with Mike praying for me and God answering his prayer. 

 So the next day I made it a point to say "Yes" to almost everything. My first reaction to when my kids ask me something is to say, "No", but since I know I'm not in a right state of mind I do my best to not suck them in so when they ask me something I just say Yes. This is one of those times.
Instead of school and chores everyone just played. They needed this more than I knew.

And I needed a confidence booster too. Mike might get it but I love to shop. Not mindless shopping of things but coupon/bargain shopping. This is something I'm good at and I needed to do something I'm good at. So last night I went to Walgreens to take advantage of their toilet paper and paper towel sale. While there I found such great deals for our stockpile that I walked out of Walgreens with 2 shopping carts filled with stuff. Retail it would have cost $176. But I paid $33!

I know it's silly but I needed to feel a sense of accomplishment and shopping/saving this much makes me feel happy.
So I'm on the right track right now. I'm going to try to go to the temple before the weeks over. Mike does have a busy schedule but I know it can happen. I'm climbing myself up and out of this depressive mood thanks to prayers, my kids, Mike, and coupons :)
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